I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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