this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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