I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
