GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize