Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Randomize
