I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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