no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
