If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize