Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
