Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
