Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
