I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Randomize
