we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
