no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
