This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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