She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
