When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
