phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
