Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
