my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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