If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
