Betty ford says i'm here all night
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I just got carded by a ten year old.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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