do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
