You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
