She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Randomize
