Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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