I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
