I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
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WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
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I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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