If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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