in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Do vagina's smell?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Randomize
