Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
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