I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
