well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Never joke about your clitoris.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
