Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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