We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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