well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
of course. lets lasso hookers.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
