I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
