she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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