Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
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Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
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His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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