Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
