he puts the penis in happiness.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Randomize
