He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
