if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I want a musical about memes.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
