the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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