A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
