i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
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