The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
