Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
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