my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
