I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
