so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
