If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
