party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
