in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
is it fun? or sober?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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