I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
