so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
