census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
