if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
a search helicopter?!
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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