Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
